Pareshath Ḥayei Sara

This week, Abhraham abhinu expresses his rather vehement preference that his son should marry a daughter of his lineage and avoid a local Kena'anith. Rav Hirsch asks on this point, why the distinction? These and those are both idolaters, so what makes one better than the other? His answer is that the Kena'anim are morally degenerate, whereas the family back in Ḥaran is simply misguided on an intellectual level; an intellectual error can be rectified much more simply through education, whereas moral development is much more deeply ingrained. Another classic answer to the same question relies on Abhraham's use of the phrase, "asher anokhi yoshebh bekirbo" (amongst whom I dwell), to say that the essential difference is isolation from the reinforcement of the idolatrous in-laws; without their influence, she can be brought to proper faith and piety, but surrounded by relatives who model the opposite and encourage her to do the same, the odds are not good. 

These answers are neat enough, but the question is off. There is a much stronger question that must be asked instead: we know that Naḥor and his descendants are idolaters, but we also know that Abhraham was a masterful proselytizer, and had many followers and disciples in Kena'an. Eli'ezer, the servant sent as shadchan (matchmaker), was a righteous man. 'Aner, Eshkol, and Mamre are called ba'alei berith Abhraham (either treaty-bound allies of Abhraham or members of the covenant of Abhraham), and they are considered righteous men. Melkhitzedhek was called kohein le-El 'elyon, priest to God most high, and is midrashically identified with Shem, son of Noaḥ. In Kena'an, unlike Gerar or Mitzrayim, Abhraham sees no need to dissemble from the lack of fear of God in the land. So, we are not left with a choice between two groups of idolaters, unsure what differentiates them, but between a strong community of monotheists and a distant group of idolaters. Indeed, Ramban explicitly and Rashi implicitly understand the above quoted phrase, "amongst whom I dwell", as coming to teach that Abhraham's instructions were specifically against taking a wife from these righteous local allies and disciples.
So, how are we to understand this choice? Ramban writes that current good behavior is not enough to overcome the curse of Ḥam, and Abhraham cannot countenance the marriage of blessing to curse. I do not see how he can take that position when Abhraham himself consents to be united with Haghar, herself a daughter of Ḥam. I would like to propose a different solution. Perhaps the issue is not, as it seems at first, the bride, but rather the groom. Abhraham has accepted the lesson from the last paresha, that the spiritual life of the nation is entering a new phase, and that his son is not suited to follow the model that served him so well. I think that the contrast between Abhraham's relationship to the surrounding nations and Yitzḥak's is best illustrated by their experiences in Gerar, so similar in so many respects, but fundamentally different. Abhraham dwells among the Pilishtim and is beloved by them, and they enter into covenant with him while he is in their midst. Yitzḥak also dwells among the Pilishtim, but he inspires envy and strife until he is driven out. However, after that, as he dwells apart, they come to recognize his Godliness and enter into covenant with him as well. 

This reflects a deep tension through Jewish history as we relate to the nations. How are we to be a light? Do we go out among them, teaching and preaching, building relationships and integrating? Or do we allow them to live as they please, focusing on ensuring that our own distinct community is a model ready for them to look to when they are ready to see it? As in most such tensions, each has its place and balance must be our end. Abhraham recognized that his strength was not his son's, and that Yitzḥak would need to live a life of much greater separation to realize his unique potential. As such, he sought a wife who would not perforce draw his son into the local community with all its mess and politics in which he would flounder. He sought a woman who would be as much an outsider as Yitzḥak, perfectly suited to join him in the wilderness, digging wells from whose living waters all people will eventually draw blessing.

Shabbath Shalom uMebhorakh!